Thursday.. Friday...

i know this died i think a year ago? but I'm just occupied. its not meant to be read i guess, not anymore. i write for me so don't keep ur hopes up bout updates.

so after a year and 3 months, i guess its over. I'm still in denial. i keep thinking ur gonna come back n give me another chance but some part of me says this is what i need, to be alone and figure things out.  confused? these days i just try not to think, cos i cant help but hurt when i do. numb doesn't even begin to describe how i feel. being in constant morphine.. bottling it all up is pretty much how it is. of cos withdrawal from the world is an obvious, but i don't have space to be alone, so constantly keeping it together with a big smile plastered on my face when everyone ask how r u is a must. no i haven't told anyone else than the bff, not even my sisters.

the first week is suppose to be the worst, now i don't know if i have hit the worse yet, prob not if im questioning myself. how did Tuesday turned so abruptly . just waiting for him to think this thru i guess. Tuesdays used to be my fav day, now its ntg more than a reminder of what I've loss

Tuesday morning-Michelle branch
pls don't drive me home tonight,cos i don't want to feel alone,
Tuesday morning in the dark, i was finding out who i was.

darling,im backkkkkk......

im back ppl from freezing my butt off at beijing. brrrr....super cold but no snow unfortunately.
anyway i accomlished 1 of my life long dreams which is 2 climb d GREAT WALL. yes!! n i hav a tee 2 prove it 2. =D heh...

did sum shopping tho not much. but i got keychains...=) n a pretty awesome guess handbag. its 1 of my best buys i swear. wheee...cant wait 2 use it. slept in 2day 2 make up 4 lack of sleep i din get in d plane. super uncomfortable i tell u. stiff as a stick n horribly tight. there's no space 2 streeench watsoever. ughhh...

i misss my bedd!!!!!! again im so glad dat im home,d 1st thing i ate when i got back was nasi lemak.. n god was d most delicious thing i had 4 d past 8 days. seriously... n i'll never complain bout d weather evr...(okay maybe not 4 a month) i had 2 wear 4-5 layers everyday which i had 2 remove eveytime i step indoors or got in d bus. not 2 mention how heavy it is wearing all of dat walking up d great wall or just sight seeing. i felt so FAT! n i think i put on weight while i was there. i dun blame myself cos eating was d only way of keeping warm. so generally its is logical 4 me 2 put on weight. i think...

pics will b featured on facebook or friendster,but i'll put d link here.
but now lets focus on my fav holiday,yes its CHRISTMAS!!!!

i love everything bout dis festival. from buying n wrapping chirstmas pressies to carolling n parties. its d season 2 b jolly..fa lalala...lalala...=D

DECLARATION OF FREEDOM!!!

woo hooo...im free at last..
well....not til 3.15 pm but still..im almost there. =) cant wait 2 go out n celebrate 2nite. marina n shev r more excited 2 de-virginize me more den i am. haha... n be4 u start thinking dat im gonna d lose d big V,think again cos dats not wat they meant. its more...innocent? i think. x)

anyway...as much as i hate 2 admit it, i do STILL like him. pathetic i noe. after all my determination 2 start anew i still fail. oh wel... im graduating so. wait i graduatED n i heading 4 college next year. a whole new scene... =D

marina got her navel pierced yesterday. OUCH!! it must hav hurt like crap sticking d needle into ur skin...piercing d hard cold metal thru... *shugs* i dont even want 2 think bout it. n its costly 2...around rm115 ? i rather get a tat den a navel piercing...which i WILL as much as it hurts by dec. so by prom( hopefully) i'll alrdy hav a tat. =) cant wait...

now another thing 2 occupy my thoughts r wat tat should i get. hmmm.....a super tough 1 cos its gonna last FOREVER!!! as least till u die unless u get it removed of cos. so far i've onli thought of a scopian,smiley, n my name or sum wording in hebrew(damn HOT!) lol....i'll keep thinking of new ideas tho. better get sumthing i wont regret.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH....im so screwed formy maths paper. d questiins kindda caught me offguard. its different from d usual questions. at least im done with business whih i WAS confident to score an A but after d 2nd paper i'll b satisfied with a B. >.<>

i've got accounts 2moro, 2 accounts paper n chem. shesshhh...just perfect. 3 papers dat im bad at. oh yea,HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINA!!!! =)

wish me luck ppl, as i face dis difficult period of time in my life.

5 hours seems like a day.

right here...right now.
sitting by the glass window...watching people pass..
it's not as boring as it seems.

people,expression,clothing,and style.
its's all rather interesting,How people are connected to each other
Is it the style of clothes they wear?
Maybe,but thats not always true.
i think its more than appearence
its d similarities they we share,what we hav in common.
or what they find interesting in each other.

the passing traffic..daily rush.. the sound of the coffee machine whirling every few minutes...and d excited chatter from the people around me fill the air.
familiar faces every once in awhile.

As i am physically sitting on d comfortable sofa while
enjoying my delicious cup of creamy mocha
my mind wonders....
wonders off to the tropics...the beach... n islands.
islands like Phuket for instance?

the strong waves that flung themselves on to the cliffs.
the warm blue seawater....cutting thru the waters with a glamorous yatch..
island hopping from one beach to d other..
feeling d gust of dry salty wind in your hair.
Mmmm... SImply Paradise.

"RRrrrrrr..."
the coffe machine breaks the steady momentum of my wondering mind and
Im back sitting in starbucks,
my mocha in front of me,while people still pass by.

the sun has now touch my face.
carressing my skin down to my arm.
bringing its warmth down to my toes dat wringgle in my boots.

d inspiration of mocha frappacino.

L.O.V.E

such an easy word to say

i wonder does it mean anything these days?

everywhere i turn i see a happy couple

cuddling...lost in their own world.

how sweet...Butwill it last?

everyone takes chances.

every relationship is a chance,a risk

of giving the other person d chance to break u

but trusting them not to.

there are many risk taker in Love.

everyone wants to know how it feels like

the sweeter n than candy floss feeling that simply sweeps u off ur feet

But leaves u bitter,broken n alone after ur high fall.

on d positive side,

we learn to pick ourselves up after the fall

to risk again n again til we find the imperfect love

that seems perfect to us...

watever u wanna call it.

i used 2 think dat having a crush was stupid...like it was for kids,till i realise i had a crush sub consciously. i din reali knew dat he was my crush till i found out he treated me like a sister n ntg more den dat. we wont b much more den wat we r now which is in a way telling i like u as my sister but i dont wanna date u.

n OUCH it hurt. i thought i would be cool with it, be happy with d way things were n how they r now. but i was wrong. i wanted more den dis.... i wanted something dat i couldnt get. i even admitted 2 him dat he was my crush which is like embarrassing (since i haven done anything like dat since i was 13 or sumthing.) ughh...screw it. im gonna wait 4 sum1 hu actualli put d effort 2 go after me from now on.

well..school was DEAD!!! it felt like a graveyard,as interesting as a evaporation.
got eng 2moro so not much studying 2 do. oh yea, i was so bored i went 2 cc with sharol zaq n gang. its loud.... lol..i can barely hear d song blasting from my compt.